by Jim Tamm |
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Where do you spend most of your life—in the “Red Zone” or the “Green Zone”? Haven’t a clue? Then ask yourself how you typically respond to comments, suggestions, and questions. Do you think, “He’s an idiot,” “He’s out to get me,” or “What does she really want?” If your answer is yes, welcome to the Red Zone—a defensive state of mind that suggests you don’t always work and play well with others. Seeing red Some people live in the Red Zone. Guarded and distrustful, they suffer from a “it’s me against the world” attitude. They feel challenged, threatened, or “dissed” by others. And when things don’t go their way, they get their hackles up—and keep them there. Over time, a Red Zone mind-set is a rough way to live. It sabotages your relationships—in life and at work—and leaves you feeling lonely, depressed, anxious, empty, and generally joyless. Simply put, it wears you—and everyone who has to deal with you—out. So how do you know you’re in the Red Zone? When it seems like everyone’s out to get you; when all that matters is being right; when every question is an accusation; and when you can’t seem to let go or forgive. Other cues? Red Zone thinking affects you physically. You feel uncomfortable sensations in your body—numb, hot or cold, clammy, charged-up, or jumpy. Greener pastures In the Green Zone, on the other hand, you radiate trust, optimism, and goodwill. Green Zoners value openness and honesty, relish risk-taking, and seek common ground in every relationship. They feel calm and centered, alive and alert. You know you’re in the Green Zone when you deal with difficult people and situations directly, seek solutions over victory, and look for ways to learn from your mistakes. Submerged, not stuck The good news? If you’re a Red Zoner, you can choose to change. Tune in to your self-talk—that running commentary in your head—and notice when it’s turning negative or nasty. Learn to recognise and red-flag your most common defense mechanisms. And work hard to develop the Green Zone mind-set and skill-set: • Think win-win. Care about others’ interests and needs as much as you care about your own. Mutual success is the hallmark of positive, long-term relationships—and a life and career in the Green Zone. • Speak the truth. Dishonesty kills relationships; it doesn’t matter if you’re the one lying or being lied to. Green Zoners are open, honest, and “out there” with their intentions, observations, and feelings—and they receive the same candor in return. They’re also excellent listeners. • Be accountable. There’s no room for shame or blame in the Green Zone. Take responsibility for your circumstances and relationships by choosing to influence or change what’s not working. • Be self-aware—and aware of others. Work to understand your thoughts, feelings, emotions, intentions, and behaviors. And when you don’t understand someone else’s words or actions, ask them what’s up. You’ll reap only as much openness and honesty as you sow. • Learn from conflict. All relationships bump up against conflict once in a while; the key is to use the conflict to learn and grow. Focus on understanding everyone’s underlying interests, then seek solutions that feel good to each of you. If you hit a wall, take a time-out, cool down, and then start over.
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