Think back to your high school days for a moment. Who were your favorite teachers? Who were your favorite friends? If you were involved in sports, who were your favorite coaches?

The answer is the same for each question. Your best teachers, friends and coaches were the people with whom you had a connection. They connected with you, and you connected with them.

You know when someone connects with you, don't you? Words flow easily. You laugh readily. You leave the encounter feeling valued and understood. It's a bit tougher to determine whether you've connected with another person or a group of people, although body language is usually a good indicator. For example, if you're leading a strategy meeting and the members of your team are yawning, gazing out the window or looking at their watches, there's a good chance you're not connecting with them at all.

Good leaders get the best out of others because they know how to relate—both individually and collectively—to the people they are leading. For some, this comes naturally; for others, it's more of an acquired skill. Fortunately, the more you do it, the more comfortable you become doing it.

If you could use some improvement in this area, here is a simple formula to follow:

C — Consider others first.
O — Open yourself up to them.
N — Never violate their trust.
N — Never manipulate them.
E — Encourage them at every opportunity.
C — Constantly add value to their lives.
T — Treat them with respect.

Relationships built on this kind of connection can have a dramatic impact on the morale and performance of your team. Here's how baseball great Don Mattingly, who played first base for the New York Yankees in the 1980s and 1990s, explained how he learned this.

"Team sports are really difficult things," he said. "Sometimes your team wins because of you, and sometimes in spite of you and sometimes it's like you're not even there. That's the reality of a team game. Then at one point in my career, something wonderful began to happen to me. I don't know why and I don't even know how; but I came to understand what 'team' meant. It meant that although I didn't get a hit or make a great defensive play, I could impact the team in an incredible and consistent way.

"I learned that I could impact my team by caring first and foremost about the team's success and not my own," Mattingly continued. "I don't mean by rooting for us like a typical fan. Fans are fickle. I mean care, really care about the team, about 'us.' I became less selfish, less lazy, less sensitive to negative comments that were personally given to me. And when I gave up me, I became more to the other players. I became a captain, a leader, a better person; and I came to understand that life is a team game, and that you know what? I've found most people aren't team players. They don't realize that life is the only game in town. Someone should tell them. It has made all the difference in the world to me."